The rise of bird TV. The death of real TV.
I can’t imagine any real man watching less than 6 hours of cage fighting on a Saturday night, but my mate “Standby” Brian reckons people do.
Now I like TV as much as the next man, (unless that man’s Brian – who swapped his dog for a widescreen) but no real man, worth his Makro card would buy a 50” flat screen to watch Strictly Come Dancing.
For a start, real men don’t dance. Unless it’s at gunpoint. So there’s no point watching it. Although, I’d be more happy to let Tess show me a few moves on a Saturday night (providing I didn’t have a darts match on). And don’t get me started on the X-factor.
Real men never ever sing – unless they’re chopping down a tree, or Johnny Cash.
So that’s a waste of space too. And if it’s not some ‘hairdresser’ types squawking through a microphone, it’s two posh birds telling you what to wear. Leave it out!
Where have the proper programmes gone? Like The Sweeney, Ray Mears or ‘Britain’s Hardest Gangs’? And why is it, every time I sit down to watch ‘America’s most lethal snakes’, it’s a repeat? Doesn’t anybody poke dangerous animals with sticks anymore??? I mean how hard can it be? It’s not rocket science. Sort it out! Here are a few ideas to get you started TV idiots!
- 5pm Celebrity Cage fighting
- 6pm The Sweeney (Repeat)
- 7pm Britain’s biggest, noisiest yellow machines
- 8pm The man who nearly died from fighting grizzly bears
- 9pm Topless Monster Truck Racing
- 10pm Locked inside America’s most violent prisons 2
- 11pm Annoying the World’s 10 deadly snakes
- 12am – 5pm Babestation
Now that’s real TV for real men. I don’t know why I bother paying my licence fee. (Ah, come to think of it, I don’t.) Laters.